"Making Habits, Breaking Habits" by Jeremy Dean.
Full disclosure: If you buy the book through the link, it won't cost you any more, but I'll get a few pennies. But my main motivation for doing this is to understand the book properly. What follows is my summary of the chapter.
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Successful
famous people often have a regular routine. Working steadily on your
main goal is clearly an important part of success, but then it's
clearly not the whole thing. A daily walk will help keep your brain
and body in shape, but by itself it won't produce the theory of
evolution by natural selection. As scientists say, the plural of
anecdote is not data. What we need is studies of large numbers of
people to find out what works and what doesn't. We need science.
One thing at a
time
It's
tempting to go for a complete makeover. Don't. Look at all the people
who make ten New Year's resolutions and break them all by the end of
January. Start small, and change one thing at a time. You can break a
large habit down into smaller parts, and do them one at a time. Don't
change your whole diet in one go. Maybe start by weaning yourself off
the sugar in your coffee. Leave fruit for elevenses until the
sugarless coffee is automatic.
Motivation.
If your
motivation's weak, you’re unlikely to make a new habit stick. So
have a think about why you want to do this. But don't daydream that
you've done it. Surprisingly, that's counterproductive. Daydream
about working on your goals. That way you'll work harder at it, and
you're less likely to be blind-sided by problems. Best of all,
imagine your future with the good habit, then without the good habit,
and contrast the two. That works best, as long as you expect to
succeed. People who don't think they can succeed tend to give up,
which at least saves wasted effort. (This is another reason to start
small – you'll have a more realistic idea of what you can achieve.)
The catch
is that it's no fun thinking of the yawning gap between your goal and
the status quo, and taking an inventory of everything that might go
wrong. But oddly, once you realise that it's difficult but doable,
you'll probably be motivated. And then you need a plan – the right
sort of plan.
Planning
Most
people have really vague plans, like “lose weight,” or “be
kinder.” What you need is to plan a very precise (preferably small)
action and a a very specific situation to trigger it. “Whenever
I'm getting myself coffee, then I'll have 2 sugars
instead of 3” or “If I see someone struggling with a
buggy, then I'll offer to help.” Link the situation with the
response, and there's a much better chance you'll form a habit. 94
studies show that this works.
You may
have to tweak the plan. Say you want to exercise and you start with,
“If I reach the lift at work, then I'll take the
stairs.” That limits you to the stairs at work. OK, so “If
I reach any lift, then I'll take the stairs.” But what if
it's 25 floors, or you're in the middle of an important conversation
with somebody who's taking the lift? Hmm. “If I reach any
lift and I'm not mid-conversation, then I'll take the stairs
for at least 2 floors.” Sometimes these things just won't work for
you, and you'll need a different technique. “If I leave the
car in a car park, then I'll park at the far end and walk
across the car park.” It's not a lot of exercise, but it's better
than nothing.
Don't plan
using the time of day. If you plan to go for a run at 8pm you
probably won't be looking at the clock at 8pm. Don't rely on your
memory: use an event. Go for a run after Dr Who. The best cue for a
new habit is something that happens every day at a regular time.
People trying to eat more healthily found that arriving at work and
lunchtime were good cues, because it links to an existing habit. A
lot of your day is already chains of habits – add a new link. The
best time to floss is right after you brush.
OK, that's
the if. Now for the then. Make it specific, If you're
trying to be nicer to your spouse, then “If it's my turn to cook,
then I'll make something they like.” If you're trying to eat more
healthily, “If I'm food shopping, then I'll remember to get low fat
milk.” It's often good to include alternatives. “If there's time
after breakfast, then I'll go for a run or ride my bicycle.”
You should
also plan for when it starts to go wrong. “If I get a craving for a
cigarette after meals, I'll distract myself by clearing the table and
loading the dishwasher.” “If I can't be arsed to do yoga, I'll
light some incense and put on soothing music to get me in the mood,
then I'll get the mat out and just do two sun salutations” “If
I'm too tired to do the de-cluttering I promised myself, I'll play
some rock and roll.”
Every time
you repeat your habit, it gets a little easier. But the number of
repetitions varies depending on the person, the habit you're trying
to form and how you go about it. It's a good idea to have a plan (or
plans) for dissatisfaction. “If I feel I'm not making any progress,
then I'll remind myself how far I've come.” “If I'm short of
motivation, I'll remind myself why I'm doing this and put on some
energising music and/or promise myself a small reward afterwards.”
Self
monitoring helps. Both the traditional chart to record progress and
noticing how it's going. You may want to tweak. Would it be easier
at a different time of day?How about two short cleaning sessions
instead of one long one? Of course once you've noticed a problem
(“I'm bored with apples”) you have to do something about it
(“I'll have a banana instead.”) You may need to tweak again.
“Bananas don't keep very well. I shop on Wednesdays, so I'll have a
banana on Thursday and Friday, a mango on Saturday when I tend to
skip fruit, and then I'll have apples or oranges for the rest of the
week.”)
Don't beat
yourself up if you miss a session. A few misses won't hurt much.
[Sheila sez: Specifically don't be like an ex-boyfriend of mine, and
conclude that one miss means you've given up and you're useless and
there's no point trying ever again.]
Be careful
with rewards. What happens when you get bored with the reward? It
works better if the reward is your own satisfaction.
It
shouldn't be so very hard to acquire a new habit. You've acquired
loads of habits without even trying! And once you've made your
desired behaviour into a habit, you'll probably go on doing it even
when the house burns down and the cat explodes.
