Has anybody seen my enthusiasm? She's been gone since Blue Monday and I've looked everywhere.
I've a horrible feeling that she's got out onto the Internet. She's larger than most, her fur is a lovely silky cream colour with chocolate socks and snout, and there's a corkscrew at the end of her tail, where it got caught in my twisted sense of humour.
If you see her, please tell her that I'm sorry. Of course she doesn't have to go on eating cat biscuits - I've bought some posh chocolate just for her, and we'll share a fresh mango.
Please help. I can't possibly go on nailing jelly to the ceiling without her.